I come from a middle class, educated, liberal Christian family. At least that is what my matrimonial profile read. My mother came from a similar background minus the liberal mindset. She kept telling me that a woman is truly liberated when she is educated and independent -emotionally and financially. Making me the ideal woman was her life goal. So, unlike how most mothers channel your thoughts, mine never sowed the dreams of a prince charming, a ‘hum saath saath hain’ family or a destination wedding. They were considered unimportant in the larger scheme of things. Expressing such desires didn’t really make my mother emotional and teary eyed.
Cut to 25 years after my birth, the mother’s dream of an educated, emotionally and financially independent daughter with zero dreams of prince charming and destination wedding has become a reality. The daughter is super emotional about having fulfilled her mother’s wishes.
But alas, twist in the story! There was suddenly a huge uprising and priority shift in the mother’s head. Such uprisings with mothers do not really come with any prior indications or warnings. Believe it or not, she wanted me to find a prince charming for me. The prince charming was never a part of my growing up, so I didn’t know him very well and didn’t actively take part in a search alongside my mother. That said, please do not confuse the prince charming with a boyfriend. Unlike boyfriends, prince charming must be an emotionally and financially independent ‘boy’ from a middle class, educated, liberal, Christian family. He must be from a ‘good family’ and who shares ‘similar’ family values. And yes, preferable to one who has a non-devious mother. Father’s deviousness is mostly irrelevant if he is providing his son a reputable family name and inheritance. Boyfriend on the other hand is someone who makes you happy.
Speaking of boyfriends, I had a few, but clearly not ones who could fit the description of a ‘prince charming’. I broke up with them for reasons not associated with the mother. Nevertheless, mother took all the credit by claiming it to be the work of her gods. The prince charming hunt in any case, was hastily on, irrespective of whether I was in a relationship or not. Since I was not actively taking part in the search, my mother used her well-guarded, sparingly used weapons – namely emotional blackmailing and falling ill. Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten the independent (emotionally and financially) human she had made me into. I wouldn’t give into any of her tactics. She never gave up. She had now turned into the quintessential ‘maa’ who tirelessly worked for the children.
Cut to 6 years later, I found a boyfriend worthy enough to be introduced at home. The boy was a year younger than me, had lesser hair than an average man of his age which are obviously MAJOR concerns. But I guess since he qualified on all other counts and more importantly the increasing age of the daughter silenced her on these concerns. It was, at the end of the day, a win -win for both of us.
There is really no punchline to this life snippet. However, to all mothers out there who believe in my mother’s life goals, request you to please avoid sudden uprisings as soon as your daughter turns 25. Always remember, even if you do, the foundations you have laid will save her and come back to bite you!